Of Sausages And Surprises
by RedIn
Summary: It was one of those evenings when her mother tried to make a noble fragile flower of her. She invited Comtesse Berauear and her two cocky daughters; Lizzeta and Pavetta. It was meant to be a boring, annoying evening or so Hawke thought. Sandal was the last person who she thought would interrupt the boredom of their well-mannered Hightown style party. F!Hawke/Fenris


Marian Hawke was suffering.

It was one of those evenings when her mother tried to make a noble fragile flower of her. She invited Comtesse Berauear and her two cocky daughters; Lizzeta and Pavetta.

Most of the evening they have spent gossiping about their neighbors, discussing the best a husband to be and criticizing each for real and imaginary faults. The only breaks that were taken from time to time were to consume another piece of cake, very delicately of course.

Unlike their usual pouting complaints over the lack of quality of a particular silk, her stories weren't as delicate as theirs. Marian doubted they would be interested to hear how many slavers she and her team had killed today or how hard it was to get spider guts out of her hair.

The dress was too tight, too fancy. It made her feel clumsy. Her hands were too rough for the golden rings or holding the small tea cups like a real noblewoman should. Hands of a warrior.

She was a fish out of water. Like a fish, she kept her silence, mostly nodding at fitting places and allowing the others to lead the conversation. The comtesse and her daughters really liked to talk. They were too involved with themselves to see her secretly yawning into the back of her palm.

It was meant to be a boring, annoying evening or so she thought.

Sandal was the last person who she thought would interrupt the boredom of their well-mannered Hightown style party.

"I HAVE A FUNNY RED SAUSAGE!"

Everyone heads turned as one towards the half open door.

The young dwarf run into the dining room, naked as the day he was born, one hand holding the erect member and the other still clutching a small empty bottle. Well, at least now she knew where to the liquor Fenris presented her with had vanished to.

_Finally some action_, Hawke thought, calmly sipping her tea despite the chaos around her. She was ready to kiss Sandal for bringing some life into this dusty event. After he'll dress and sober up of course. Maybe.

A moment of silence was sparred before a loud squealing filled the stunned room. Pavetta's round face turned red and white when she saw the shameless display of Sandal's anatomy from such a close range. Marian briefly wondered if it was a first time she saw the real thing.

She stared at the small dwarf dancing around them who repeatedly informed them of his sausage in a voice full of drunken delight as he run around and randomly shook his erection and tried not to burst into laughter.

"FUNNY RED SAUSAGE, LOOK AT MY FUNNY RED SAUSAGE! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE."

A loud thud startled Hawke and her shocked mother from her state and the two jumped into action.

"Marian, stop Sandal." Leandra yelped before she rushed to lift up the fainted Lizzeta. Marian hopped after Sandal. The young dwarf, probably affected by the alcohol was racing her around the room till she entangled in her rather cumbersome dress and tripped. She cursed loudly, using everything Fenris has taught her.

The dwarf fixated on the gulping comtesse , grinning widely as he approached her, wavering. "Not enchantment." Sandal said to her enthusiastically, adding a wink. The comtesse began to hiccup in horror.

It took them some time to catch the drunken dwarf (with Bodhan's help. He was greatly ashamed and begged to be forgiven a thousand times) and then to calm down the hysterical nobles and ask for their forgiveness for their discomfort (which Marian found quite unnecessary).

"It's a scandal. What a shame! We have never faced worse. What will the neighbors think?!" Leandra complained loudly as she collapsed on a soft, dark green sofa and massaged her temple in a failing attempt to soothe her headache.

_Oh, no mother, the real scandal will be when you'll find out that I am in love with an elf and he got me pregnant._

Marian just nodded silently, offering her best sympathetic face and some cold water.


End file.
